Why Me...


Why me…

I was getting ready to close the day, waiting for a guy to finish up on his IV. I sat down beside him and felt an overwhelming urge to ask him how his treatments were going. He looked up at me from reading his book and I instantly felt like he needed to let something out.  

As we were talking, I asked him what his story was. Why did he come to our office today? Most of the time people come into our office because they have lost something or they are looking for something.

He began to tell me he had had a heart attack and he was wondering why he lived. Why did he stay in this world? At the hospital, they jumped his heart twice and the ER was trying to keep him alive. He couldn’t get his pacemaker installed till the next day.

He told me he was devastated because he was going to leave his wife and family, he hadn’t made a will yet or set up anything if he had died in the surgery. The hospital wouldn’t even let his wife see him because of covid. He laid in his hospital bed by himself with only the staff helping him. I couldn’t even imagine! 

As his story continued, he said he felt several times his heart stop throughout the night and how scared he was, tears were streaming down his face by this time. He told me he seen the other side and he began to tell me how beautiful it was and peaceful. He wanted to stay he said. He said someone came to him grabbed his hand and told him it wasn’t his time to go. He needed to go back and learn to love. 

Now this sounded so sad to me, like why would they say that to him. I believe everyone is here for a reason there is a plan, what that plan is no one knows. I got the feeling he was wondering why he lived why didn’t he just die that evening?

He was depressed about it I could tell. He told me he has always been a guy who took life for granted. He didn’t have much love for people before or really take people serious or care about their feelings. Before his heart attack, he told me he would never take the time to talk to me or tell me about his feelings like this. At this point, I could see the tears rolling down his cheeks. Maybe that is what they meant, he needed to figure out how to find love for people? 

I had an urge to tell him a little about me and what I have went through to try assuring him I have not similar issues but have been through a lot with suicide of my uncle and friend and most recently a very close family member passing away. It helped him to feel like I understood and truly cared about his story. 

Death is so hard to cope with. I know I have left out a lot in this story but my point is why me….why do some people suffer more than others, have to deal with cancer, lyme, chronic disease and some treat their bodies horribly and never have an issue. I believe we don’t get what we can’t handle.  

My dear friend will learn to love. I believe that he stayed for a reason. He needs to find his happy so he leaves everyone around him with peace. I truly believe there is a higher power that is watching down on us and helping all of us through tough times. If we sit down, take time out of our busy lives, and just listen, I feel like we all can make a difference big or small. He needed to let me hear it and he changed my perspective on life. When we are ready, we will know its time.  

Why me? Because you are strong. Choose Love. 

Thinking about you my Friend 


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